Bittersweet
by SpicyWolfsbane
Summary: Perhaps his proud nature would not allow him to fully understand that woman. Or maybe, in fact, he wasn't able of feeling anything. And that sensation, everytime he glanced at her, or when listening to her soft voice, was too much for his dark and senseless heart to take. (Salazar/Helga, 'Helgazar').


**This story was originally published in Portuguese, but I decided to give a try and publish it in English too. I love Helgazar so much. This one is a fluffy story, as I always feel a bit of tragedy and angst everytime I think about this ship.**

 **Thanks for my beta-reader Veronica-reads *-***

 **The characters and the HP universe doesn't belong to me, they are property of the goddess Jo Rowling.**

* * *

She knew that he wasn't exactly what people would call a 'good person'.

And he knew that he wasn't good at all, not even an inch.

"You're here… Again."

Salazar turned around abruptly, hearing the bones of his neck sending clicks, twitching his lips in pain, with a grimace. His green eyes – matching his emerald robes – focused on the shining and mischievous eyes of Godric, who was looking at Salazar with a grin.

"How long have you been here, snooping my life, uh?"

"I think the correct question is 'how long have you been here, watching me pry on her life?" Godric giggled, standing almost entirely on the strength of just one leg, clearly satisfied with himself whilst looking at Salazar's sulky face "I went to the dungeons looking for you but I couldn't find you."

"I wasn't there…"

"Well, I can figure it out by myself, thanks."

"What do you want?" Salazar narrowed his eyes, suspicious.

"Oh, nothing special, really, I just want to chat with my best mate," Godric smiled again when Salazar frowned, clearly annoyed "Really patient this Hufflepuff, uh? I usually lose control when the students fail at my classes and she spends her whole day with them, covered in leaves and dirt, saying the same instructions over and over again until they learn" he stated, looking at the distant greenhouse where Helga was surrounded by first years "She lets me flabbergasted most of the time. Great woman this Helga Hufflepuff, great woman."

"Hm."

"Her kindness is enough for both of you. She has it to spare."

"Don't start with this rubbish, Godric," he squeezed his fingers on his robes, unwittingly, his facial expression getting anguished and tense.

"Is it that hard for you? I'm afraid of what you put on that hat, seriously. Can you even imagine how your students are going to be in the future? If they're just like you…?"

"I think it will be more pleasing to your ego if you stop wasting your time with me and start bragging around about your heroic adventures to your students."

"So why are you here? Watching over her if you could've been at your cave planning how to dominate the world?" he smiled, warmly.

"Gryffindor…" he hissed, looking sternly at Godric, wishing for the other wizard to be vanished from his sight.

"I'm afraid with what you could do to her. It really concerns me."

"What do you mean?!" the grip of his fingers on his own robes were enough to rip off the fabric. Salazar's face was bright red with anger "What are you trying to say? That I would hurt her?!"

"Exactly."

"What?!" he gasped, almost losing control over his emotions "Have you lost your mind? You know that I… I…" he was babbling while trying to recover his breath rhythm, filling his lungs with air again "Never, Gryffindor! Never…!" he swallowed, releasing his fingers of his garments, stretching them "Even if my last resort would be… To go away…."

"That's exactly what I'm afraid of, my dear friend," Godric sighed "You would go away without a word, without a letter. And not even Rowena's best owl would be able to find you."

"Don't tell me that you would miss me?" he mocked, running his lean fingers through his black hair, nervous.

"Yes, I would. And she also."

"Goddamit… You have nothing more useful to do with your time, Godric?" Salazar asked, madly, staring at his old friend "No monster to kill? No championship to win? No lost maiden to save?"

"You have a really bad image of me, Sal," Godric muttered pretending to be offended, whilst watching Salazar rolling his eyes "Recently, Rowena told me that you were a lost cause."

"Clever, this Ravenclaw. She's absolutely right. You should listen to her."

"Ah, I'm very hard-headed," he smiled "I don't give up that easy."

"Now I'm the one afraid of the traits you put on that hat of yours. Your students are going to be some boring naughty kids, too proud of their heroic abilities, with an annoying sense of superiority!"

"Are you describing your House, Slytherin?".

"Really funny, Godric," he sighed, looking stiff "Let's go back to the castle. Your dear Rowena must be waiting for us to enchant the ceiling properly."

"Forget the bloody ceiling and Rowena," Godric grabbed Salazar by his shoulders, looking unnaturally severe "Stop running away!"

"I'm not."

"Yes, obviously, you can't run away from a place where you never had been before!" Godric pointed the greenhouses with a nod "You're being ridiculous."

"And you're meddlesome."

"Bloody hell, Slytherin," Godric shoved Salazar away with little force "I have not patience with those tricks of you! As you always complain of, I'm impulsive and reckless…"

"I'm glad you're growing to notice it," Salazar cut him, mocking.

"But I rather be like this than acting cowardly like you! I don't stand your hesitation!" he sighed, hunching his shoulders "Do you really think that it's not very clear already? To all of us? And when I say all of us I mean the students as well."

"Students?" he muttered, uneasy.

"Your smiles, Salazar. You only allow yourself to smile when you're talking to her. Picking up things from the floor when she drops it. Do you think I didn't realize that you do everything to 'casually' touch her hand with yours when we're at the table having meals?"

Salazar was quiet, hearing Godric carefully. His green eyes trying to avoid the emotions that were, in fact, burning inside the wizard. Godric was trying to decode everything hidden in Salazar's eyes, but his friend was good on pretending to feel nothing, even if Godric was sure that his speech had some effect on the other man.

"You don't know anything, Godric."

"I had just…"

"You don't know anything!" his voice was a bit more louder when he hissed, gripping his rodes again above his heart.

Godric watched Salazar carefully, sighing tired. He turned his sight away to the greenhouses, where Helga was talking to her students, pointing at some tiny plants with dark purple leaves.

"I don't understand... What is so hard to you."

Salazar kept quiet, while staring at Helga. He didn't knew what it was so hard for him to just ignore her.

Perhaps his proud nature would not allow him to fully understand that woman. Or maybe, in fact, he wasn't able of feeling anything. And that sensation, every time he glanced at her, or when listening to her soft voice, was too much for his dark and senseless heart to take.

But it could be his rational brain telling him that his bitter nature, his inner iniquity, his lack of scruples and ethic were things that he must keep away from her, to prevent him to tarnish the purity of her soul. He couldn't take the guilt of hurting her.

If one day Helga would be able to see inside his soul – or at the leftover of what was his soul – Salazar was sure that she wouldn't be able to cope with his inner darkness. He never cared to much with these traits of his personality, but now, when she was somehow involved with all of these, burning on his skin… He was beyond scared.

"You don't have to worry."

"Hm?"

"Helga," Salazar's lips curled in a small smile when he heard his voice calling her name "I would never hurt her, if this is your fear, Godric. I'll never let myself that close to her, to begin with.

"Salazar…" Godric's tone sounded irksome.

"We're not the same person, Godric. We don't even feel alike. If for you this is… Normal, for me it's not. And I'm not ready to change it. In fact, I don't want to change it."

"You're being coward, my friend."

"I am a coward," he smiled briefly "Courage is what you put on that old hat, not me."

"And will you keep doing this forever?" Godric spread his arms in exasperation "With stealthy looks, pretending… Hidden behind a bush or a pillar just to look at her, in silence, never growing the nerves to tell her your reasons?"

"Seems like a good plan," Salazar shrugged.

"Salazar... I just want to help you!"

"I'm fine."

"You lie!"

"You know I lie. Why do you insist if you know that I'm stubborn enough to keep you telling me the same things over again without change an inch? Are you really that stupid?"

"This is called hope."

"I know this for another name: foolishness."

Godric twitched his lips, with a comical facial expression that made Salazar laugh loudly. How hard it must be to the bold Godric Gryffindor to lose a battle! Salazar was determined to not let himself bow down to Godric's advices. He was not-complying and headstrong. He would never let anyone change his resolutions on that subject. He would never let anyone know about that besides Godric and Rowena (as Godric had probably told her at this point in time).

"Just be careful with the students if you still want to pretend to be indifferent and callous towards her."

Salazar nod, showing that he accepted the advice. Godric kept looking at his face for some seconds, absolutely distraught. Sighing, he patted Salazar's shoulder gently, walking away back to the castle, his bright red robes fluttering behind him. Salazar watched the other man until Godric was so far from him, shining like a crimson dot at the horizon. He looked again to the greenhouses from where the kids were walking outside, laughing loudly.

He waited until she said goodbye to the last child with a maternal hug and a kiss on the forehead. The child walked past Salazar, frightened with the wizard's cold gaze.

The sweet smell emanated by her plants reached his nostrils at the moment he entered the place. Helga had her back to him and she smiled warmly when her gaze found him.

"Salazar!"

"There is dirt on your hair," he pointed, with a grin.

"Oh," she smiled, blushing, raising her hands to her hair, brushing the beads away "What are you doing here? I thought that you were teaching potions for the fourth years."

"I gave them a break," he shrugged.

"And what lead you to be so good with them today?" she smiled, playful, unaware of how his eyes shined with her comment, giving him a bitter taste on his mouth, as even for her a behavior like that was weird to relate to him.

"I was tired," he glanced at her plants, avoiding her gaze "Have they learnt all the uses of these plants?"

"Yes, they're very clever and eager to learn."

"I don't understand how. Some of them" he gazed at her, trying to decode her reactions "How can they be good at magic if their blood isn't magical?"

"This means nothing, Salazar" the relaxed mood disappeared from her oval face, replaced by a visible apathy "They are only children."

"But you can't deny it's really curious."

"Please, don't…" unconsciously, her hands began to move in mounds of leaves scattered across the surface of the tables "I don't like when you speak like this."

"You don't agree with me?"

"You know I don't ..." she murmured, taking her eyes to his face "And I don't like to hear it from you."

"Why?"

"Because you shouldn't think about these things."

"I must not?"

"You know you shouldn't," she bit her lip, uneasy "You're a teacher. You're here to teach them, to help them and… You shouldn't complain on them because of their blood status. This is wrong, Salazar."

"You expect too much of me."

"I don't" she stared at him almost hopeful " It's you who expect too little of yourself."

He swallowed, watching carefully her bright blue eyes. He watched her sighing, turning her attention to her gardening utensils scattered on the table, arranging them methodically. When she finished, Salazar took her hands on his own, removing the thick gloves of her small hands.

"We will have to enlarge the castle," he started to speak casually, removing the first glove "As the years pass by the more children we accept. We need more classes, dorms, teachers. I never thought that we would need all of this that soon."

"Rowena told me this details this morning," she muttered, watching him remove the second glove, throwing it at the mahogany table "She want us to create some symbols as well."

"Symbols?" he frowned "What sort of symbols?"

"To our houses. Coats with animals, colors, those things."

"How detailed," he rolled his eyes, following her outside the greenhouse "I bet that Godric will chose the most strong animal to be his symbol."

"He already did it," she giggled "A lion."

"Really?"

"Yes," she laughed warmly, showing the dimples in her cheeks "Rowena said it's stupid. I personally think it's quite original. He's almost our leader, and the lion is a king at the animal kingdom."

"Yes, very accurate indeed," he laughed, mocking "And how about Rowena?"

"An eagle. To value wisdom and knowledge."

"I predict that the future Ravenclaw students would be really boring."

"Don't be that cruel," she slapped lightly at his shoulder "If you don't like what they had chose I guess you'll find mine rather stupid."

"What's your animal, Helga?" he smiled, truly curious.

"A badger."

He stared at her, noticing her anxious look. Helga bit her lips and frowned, showing him how eager she was to hear his opinion. And all Salazar could do was laugh, almost bending over. Tears streaming down his face.

"What are you laughing about?"

"A badger?" he muttered while laughing, drying his tears with his thumb "Don't you think that a badger is… Too… Simple? I mean, what are the qualities of a badger, after all?"

"None. Nothing special," she shrugged.

"So? Godric picked the exhibitionist lion to represent his courage or whatever he has on his mind. Rowena and the eagle of wisdom. And you pick up a badger? A common badger?" he smiled, looking at her resolute eyes "I really don't understand."

"I don't want special children, with unique traits. I want children," she explained "Children who want to learn. And with learning being able to be special, better, to feel special. Hogwarts must be a school to teach children, not for us to lapidate jewelry. That's the reason of the badger. For you to be a Hufflepuff you don't have to be a master in magic. You just have to show yourself a desire to learn," she shrugged, with a tiny smile etched upon her face.

Salazar froze, rooted on his place. Helga stopped too, looking at him with curiosity. He couldn't speak anything. How come she was able to think like that? She was a witch, not an inferior muggle. How could she be that humble? He was sure that he would never be able to fully understand her. He would never enjoy such a meekness.

"What? Is it that ridiculous?" she blushed.

"No," he mumbled, flabbergasted, walking again "It's… Charming."

"Stop mocking on me."

"I'm not," he stated, surprised with the sincerity of his own words "It's really interesting your logic. A badger fits it perfectly, to be honest."

"Hm… I think I believe you."

"Am I really not worthy of your reliability, Helga?" he glued his eyes on hers with such an intensity that her cheeks got redder.

"I didn't mean that. I trust you, Salazar," she laughed, a bit ashamed "But why do you ask me this?"

"No particular reason," he grinned "How about the colors?"

"Red as a main color for Godric, with a bit of gold. Blue for Rowena, with some bronze," she explained "I chose yellow and a bit of black."

"Your hair is a bit yellow."

"This is not the reason, Salazar," she laughed "Yellow is the color of the sun. That helps the plants to grow."

"And red is the color of blood, spilled during the battles. That's probably the reason why Godric want it to be his color," he mocked, trying to not to blush at the gentleness and kindness of her words.

"Don't be that cruel, Salazar."

"He's ego is bigger than our lands, this is not my fault!" he rose his hands, making her laugh "And why Rowena chose blue?"

"My eyes," smiled, blushing "This was really sweet of her."

"I don't get it."

"Godric chose red, and I told them that I wish to yellow to be my color. Rowena was out of ideas. Then she said that it could be blue as my eye color. She said that she want her students to be free of dark feelings as I am," she giggled, embarrassed "She overreacts."

"No, she doesn't. Not even a bit."

"I'm sorry?"

"She's being absolutely truthful when she say those things regarding you, Helga."

Helga's smile was wide and her cheeks were red. Salazar stared at her intensely.

"If we keep at this pace we won't be able to reach the castle in time for tea," she pointed, touching his arm gently, walking again.

"I'm sorry," Salazar stared at his feet.

"And how about you? Your animal and your colors?"

"I don't know… Any suggestions?" he watched her thoughtful expression, then her bright smile when she pointed his robes. He smiled "Green?"

"Yes. And maybe silver as a secondary color."

"I like it."

"So it's going to be green and silver?"

"Absolutely. You must feel honoured to have such an important role in the history of the Slytherin House."

"I'm flattered," she giggled "Muggles use to classify the colors. Red, yellow and blue are considered primary colors. Green is a secondary color, the result of mixing blue and yellow. So, you're a product of me and Rowena," she smiled, amused.

Salazar smiled too, although it had become quite clear to him that something was putting them apart from the others. Not just because the other's colors were in a different group than his own on that weird muggle rubbish. Their ideas were distinct. That coincidence with the colors distribution was a bitter irony. And was a product of muggles!

"I don't want to have anything of Rowena in me."

"You can't have green without blue, Salazar," she giggled "I'm sorry, but you do need blue."

"Your eyes are blue," he teased, not caring too much of what he was saying to her "Yellow hair and blue eyes. Yellow and blue. See it? I just need you. I don't need Rowena."

He widened his eyes when his own words reached his ears, feeling a cold shiver streaming down his spine. His face was red. He gazed at her and Helga was laughing amused, probably not noticing what was between his lines.

"You're really bad with both of them," she scowled trying to stop laughing "But what about your animal? Any clue?"

"Hm," he wondered, trying to calm his nerves "Maybe… A serpent."

"Really? Why?"

"I don't know. I... I like snakes," He smiled, nervous. His parselmouth powers were just acknowledged by Godric. It was a trait that he wasn't ready to share with the outside world at the moment. At least not with her.

"Green and silver and a snake. I think Rowena will think it's pretty reasonable."

"Do you think?"

"I hope so. Eagles can kill snakes, do you know?"

"How clever you are, Helga," he laughed.

"My mascot is the only one of the four that do not kill in such a feral way like yours," she smiled, triumphantly "Is this how Godric feels all the time?"

"How?" he asked, considering quite funny the ridiculous way she puffed her chest.

"Superior," she smiled "It's quite funny."

"Oh, who could've guessed it!" he smiled larger "Helga Hufflepuff mocking on someone."

"I have a good example," she blinked at him.

"Oh, don't you follow on my footsteps," he grinned, a bitter taste on his mouth.

"You're a good man, Salazar," she gazed right into his eyes "Only you can't see it."

He stared at her, his lips trembling to avoid a smile. He felt some inner pain to listen to her words, knowing how ignorant she was of all of his darkness… And how he truly was. If there was a thing that he would never allow was her to know him fully, the depth of his soul. He was carefully hiding It from her on a daily struggle.

"Helga?"

"What?"

"You had mentioned that the badger is somehow the most pacific Hogwarts' mascot, right?"

"Yes, yes," her face was almost childish "So?"

"Do you think…" he stepped closer to her, with a fake predatory gaze "That a snake… Could swallow a whole badger?"

"Salazar!" shocked and pretending to be scared, she scowled him "How can you be so cruel?"

"It's entirely your fault for choosing a badger as a mascot!" he defended himself, with a grin, making her laugh.

"You won't have the courage to hurt and innocent badger… Right?"

"Not a 'Helga badger," he laughed. It wasn't a lie. And it shouldn't be hidden. As he said to Godric before, he would never hurt her. He'd rather die.

"I will remember to call my badger with my own name as soon as a get one. Now let's hurry. Rowena will not be pleased if we miss the tea," saying this, she walked behind him, placing both of her hands on his back, pushing him above the hill.

"What a solidary and kind badger!"

"Idiot"

Salazar smiled, closing his eyes briefly, feeling the warm sun heat of the late afternoon. A yellow sun.

* * *

 **As two people pointed it out already, I feel that I must explain myself: I do not think that badgers aren't special, quite the opposite. I saw badgers twice in my life (once if you consider a clear view of them) in the zoo. You can't find many badgers in Brazil, I never heard about badgers living free from zoos here. I held a baby badger once at the zoo, it was the cutest thing ever. They are fierce hunters and they have snakes for breakfast (run, Salazar), they're not that pacific as I made them look like. The reason I did it was to relate their cuteness with Helga being the kindest among the founders. I hate snakes, I think lions are lazy (poor lioness) and I'm scared of eagles. Badgers look cute to me. They can probably rip off my fingers and I would still find them cute. I'm sorry if I upset someone, Hufflepuffs or zoologists, I don't know *feels like rambling* Once an "author" made sparkling vampires, I think I can make cute, innocent badgers as well. And for you that have plenty of badgers where you live: You're absolutely lucky!**


End file.
